When God first got my attention, years ago, I was 'full on' and heartily asked Him to do whatever He wanted with and to my life. I recall several specific times when I laid everything down at his feet, before we moved to MN. Times when I saw visions of fire and torture and I said, "Yes! I trust Your judgement and Your love. The scriptures tell me You don't always make sense in the moment, but You always have a plan. Take me, shape me, melt me, mold me!"
So youthful and enthusiastic, but if the Bible is true, how could I choose anything else?
Since then I have faced so many days that challenged my vision. Sometimes I've been prepared with an accurate understanding of who God is, when PE had leukemia, for instance, I expected Him to do this sort of thing to mold me and keep my eyes on Him. Every day of her treatment I steadied myself in Him and was not shaken.
Most times though, I've been caught off guard,
changing churches,
relationships with other people,
moving out of town,
fear and anxiety about my performance
as a wife, mother and homeschool educator, etc..
What I saw this week before Holy Week, was that
EVERY time I'm caught off guard and
EVERY inconvenience I face,
REALLY AND TRULY have been placed in my path
ON PURPOSE AND WITH MUCH LOVE by the ruler of the Universe.
WHAT!!??
I learn this in broken bits and pieces. I can believe that events leading up to my conversion were orchestrated and allowed by God to bring me to Him. But, the enemy sings a wickedly sweet song of the disconnect between God's love for me and what He uses to punish and correct me with. He is a LYING LIAR!!! The circumstances I face that are uncomfortable are NOT punishments or tests. They are opportunities to strengthen my faith. First, I must recognize the lies and then I must grasp the truth that God allows him to lie to me so that I might practice distinguishing lies from truth. From these exercises, I learn to correct my perception of Him EVERY TIME I am disturbed and then sail through the moment protected by the Truth. Not always easy, but if I see it as a test by a wise instructor and a challenge involving a mortal enemy, maybe easier to find strength and motivation to resist temptations.
He really does love me more than I could ever imagine! Me, not just the whole world, but very specifically me, just as he made me, he finds me acceptable and enjoyable!
When I'm tempted to:
worry about a child learning to drive
concern myself with 'my children's future' and how that will reflect on me
view myself through human judgement instead of His alone
lay awake worrying about everything I think of
Fix my thinking back on His Truth, pray and be renewed. It really works and catching it early is key.
So youthful and enthusiastic, but if the Bible is true, how could I choose anything else?
Since then I have faced so many days that challenged my vision. Sometimes I've been prepared with an accurate understanding of who God is, when PE had leukemia, for instance, I expected Him to do this sort of thing to mold me and keep my eyes on Him. Every day of her treatment I steadied myself in Him and was not shaken.
Most times though, I've been caught off guard,
changing churches,
relationships with other people,
moving out of town,
fear and anxiety about my performance
as a wife, mother and homeschool educator, etc..
What I saw this week before Holy Week, was that
EVERY time I'm caught off guard and
EVERY inconvenience I face,
REALLY AND TRULY have been placed in my path
ON PURPOSE AND WITH MUCH LOVE by the ruler of the Universe.
WHAT!!??
I learn this in broken bits and pieces. I can believe that events leading up to my conversion were orchestrated and allowed by God to bring me to Him. But, the enemy sings a wickedly sweet song of the disconnect between God's love for me and what He uses to punish and correct me with. He is a LYING LIAR!!! The circumstances I face that are uncomfortable are NOT punishments or tests. They are opportunities to strengthen my faith. First, I must recognize the lies and then I must grasp the truth that God allows him to lie to me so that I might practice distinguishing lies from truth. From these exercises, I learn to correct my perception of Him EVERY TIME I am disturbed and then sail through the moment protected by the Truth. Not always easy, but if I see it as a test by a wise instructor and a challenge involving a mortal enemy, maybe easier to find strength and motivation to resist temptations.
He really does love me more than I could ever imagine! Me, not just the whole world, but very specifically me, just as he made me, he finds me acceptable and enjoyable!
When I'm tempted to:
worry about a child learning to drive
concern myself with 'my children's future' and how that will reflect on me
view myself through human judgement instead of His alone
lay awake worrying about everything I think of
Fix my thinking back on His Truth, pray and be renewed. It really works and catching it early is key.