Just before Valentine's Day, my heart froze. A piece of my soul climbed into a hole and stayed there until the snow in my yard melted, yesterday. In many ways I was fine and fully functional but, I was not writing, at all and I missed that.
Fear and anxiety are my mortal enemies. When my eyes are fixed on Truth they crouch, submissively, in the shadows. As soon as I lose sight of who I know God to be, they stealthily approach and soon I am captured. It's hard to keep focused with a frozen heart.
This time, the lie was that my kids would not launch gracefully, if at all. What if they never finish college, or move out? We actually have three who are 16+ and not licensed to drive. Our youngest is 3 1/2 and she is still not potty trained. So, it's a plausible fear, right? I reached out to a dear, smart friend who responded:
...those children are NOT YOURS. Nor are you responsible for them in the way that you think. They are HIS and He will see to it that they fulfill His purposes for them. You have trusted Him that He could provide for how ever many He should give. You have blessed Him in that belief. The enemy is forever casting doubt upon that in the effort to steal God's glory. You do not know God's purpose for your children except that His purpose is to glorify Himself. Can you cast away what you think His specific purposes should look like, and what you WANT them to look like, and simply believe that He WILL have his way? ~ C.A.T.S.
Yes, when you put it that way, I can. From our first baby I was determined to foster independence at an early age. She was maybe 10 days old when we ventured out to church. I fearlessly deposited her in the nursery and fully enjoyed the service. Our 5 oldest kids (ages 19-12) each have a passport that has been used at least once and three of them have been renewed. I have never traveled out of the Country with them. Take risks, explore, get hurt, trust God, these things I repeat to them and to myself. Driving has just not been high on the priority list and to be sure 8 out of 10 were toilet trained by age 3. We did have one child who celebrated her first 'dry day' on her 4th birthday. As they say though, 'it all comes out in the wash', she's really quite fine now. Truth is, none of that matters. I beli eve that God will orchestrate their circumstances to His glory and that is all.
Fear and anxiety are my mortal enemies. When my eyes are fixed on Truth they crouch, submissively, in the shadows. As soon as I lose sight of who I know God to be, they stealthily approach and soon I am captured. It's hard to keep focused with a frozen heart.
This time, the lie was that my kids would not launch gracefully, if at all. What if they never finish college, or move out? We actually have three who are 16+ and not licensed to drive. Our youngest is 3 1/2 and she is still not potty trained. So, it's a plausible fear, right? I reached out to a dear, smart friend who responded:
...those children are NOT YOURS. Nor are you responsible for them in the way that you think. They are HIS and He will see to it that they fulfill His purposes for them. You have trusted Him that He could provide for how ever many He should give. You have blessed Him in that belief. The enemy is forever casting doubt upon that in the effort to steal God's glory. You do not know God's purpose for your children except that His purpose is to glorify Himself. Can you cast away what you think His specific purposes should look like, and what you WANT them to look like, and simply believe that He WILL have his way? ~ C.A.T.S.
Yes, when you put it that way, I can. From our first baby I was determined to foster independence at an early age. She was maybe 10 days old when we ventured out to church. I fearlessly deposited her in the nursery and fully enjoyed the service. Our 5 oldest kids (ages 19-12) each have a passport that has been used at least once and three of them have been renewed. I have never traveled out of the Country with them. Take risks, explore, get hurt, trust God, these things I repeat to them and to myself. Driving has just not been high on the priority list and to be sure 8 out of 10 were toilet trained by age 3. We did have one child who celebrated her first 'dry day' on her 4th birthday. As they say though, 'it all comes out in the wash', she's really quite fine now. Truth is, none of that matters. I beli eve that God will orchestrate their circumstances to His glory and that is all.
When I discovered I was expecting our third child in three years, I was indignant.
From Streams in the Desert March 29 ~
Many years ago there was a monk who needed olive oil, so he planted an olive tree sapling. After he finished planting it, he prayed, "Lord, my tree needs rain so its tender roots may drink and grow. Send gentle showers." And the Lord sent gentle showers. Then the monk prayed, "Lord, my tree needs sun. Please send it sun." And the sun shone, gilding the once-dripping clouds. "Now, send frost, dear Lord, to strengthen its branches," cried the monk. And soon the little tree was covered in sparkling frost, but by evening it had died.
Then the monk sought out a brother monk in his cell and told him of his strange experience. After hearing the story, the other monk said, "I also have planted a little tree. See how it is thriving! I entrust my tree to it's God. He who made it knows better than a man like me what it needs. I gave God no constraints or conditions except to pray, 'Lord, send what it needs - you made it and you know best what it needs.'
"Lord, what are you doing? I'm not too good with babies. This is crazy!" In the middle of my whining I actually heard God speak, right into my heart, "What if I want to make a person? What if I'm not just making 'babies'? Relax. I just want you to be a hostess to another person until they are grown. Your expectations are more demanding than mine. Just feed them and teach them and clothe them as best you can, I will provide for their needs." After that, I had the strength to continue. In lovely humor God gave us our first boy, a week after our oldest's 3rd b-day and those words have carried me through multiple situations and doubts over the years. I just have to keep my heart focused and remember the Truth. From Streams in the Desert March 29 ~
Many years ago there was a monk who needed olive oil, so he planted an olive tree sapling. After he finished planting it, he prayed, "Lord, my tree needs rain so its tender roots may drink and grow. Send gentle showers." And the Lord sent gentle showers. Then the monk prayed, "Lord, my tree needs sun. Please send it sun." And the sun shone, gilding the once-dripping clouds. "Now, send frost, dear Lord, to strengthen its branches," cried the monk. And soon the little tree was covered in sparkling frost, but by evening it had died.
Then the monk sought out a brother monk in his cell and told him of his strange experience. After hearing the story, the other monk said, "I also have planted a little tree. See how it is thriving! I entrust my tree to it's God. He who made it knows better than a man like me what it needs. I gave God no constraints or conditions except to pray, 'Lord, send what it needs - you made it and you know best what it needs.'
By: Mom