This post was first published as a Facebook Note on October 31, 2013
I struggle to understand the differences and attractions in our marriage. I am certain that we were put together with purpose. The circumstances surrounding our meeting and bonding were clearly orchestrated. Thank God I journaled it all at the time, re-reading it now fuses the notion that we are 'meant to be together'. But, 24 years after our eyes met, there are many days when it seems we don't even know each other. He does his job, and I do mine, day after day after day. And then, on one of many regular date nights, I have a moment of clarity.
Moving our family to the country was a huge, terrific event, likened for me, to the flood described in Genesis. (read The Long Awaited 'Newsie Update') Every part of my daily life had to be recalculated. So many details were/are out of my control. Please don't laugh, it really pulled the rug out from under my feet. I don't know exactly why it's such a big deal, but I do know that it's impacted how I act as a wife and mother. It's much harder for me to be on my game, in this new environment.
K. and I both noticed the tension, so we determined to make date night a regular part of our week. At our busy, thrifty house, it looks like this: I prepare supper and finish up the daily housework, Ken comes home from work (sometimes with take-out for two), we say goodnight to the kids and remind them to do their jobs before they play, and then we escape. PE and J will keep the peace and put the four little girls to bed later. We lock the bedroom door, eat our meal and watch a movie. Later, we'll emerge, sending the bigger kids to bed and making sure the little girls are sleeping and snug. (I know, it's a ridiculous luxury to have live in babysitters!! I remember reading magazine articles where families used this system for sanity when we had 6 under age 10 and another on the way. We did our time and have arrived, and for this I am relieved and grateful.)
Last night, after our movie, we just snuggled on the bed and talked, for a long time, about all sorts of things, business relating to the kids, bills, church, life and death, and almost by accident, about us. Oh, we talk about our relationship pretty regularly, I make sure of that! But, this time it seemed like we were actually on the same page for a moment.
As we talked, a picture formed. My mind is like a rubber ball, winging from one problem, event, situation or celebration to another. (A rubber ball? hadn't thought about it like that before, but I'm sure my mother would agree with the analogy.) His mind is like a complex steel chair, tightly secured to the floor, fully functioning and processing intricate matters, while remaining steady regardless of the season. I suddenly had a picture of a white square room with a rubber ball, a Super Ball, bouncing about the walls, floor and ceiling while the steel chair sat squarely in the center. This is our life. Sometimes I try to slow down my thought process as I'm winging past the chair, my speech is slowed and unusually deep (like a scene from Epic), "Hey, why are you just sitting there? Do you care about anything? What if the" and then I smack into the other wall and my words are cut off.
I shared my picture through joyful tears of new found comprehension, he laughed and admitted that the chair experiences discouragement and turmoil, but time always washes them away without the chair doing anything different. The Super Ball is a little jealous and marvels at the chair's quiet, solid wisdom.
Later, he began to compliment me on my role as a homeschool mother, I closed my eyes and I heard the same man that recorded cassette tapes and mailed them to me in Mexico when we were just dating. I heard his heart for me and it was a soothing balm. He does recognize what I do. It is important. My place in our family is valuable. I didn't even know how this would fill me.
I thank God for moments like this!! He is perfect and I'm excited to see Heaven's gates open wide to reveal the ultimate healing balm for all the empty places in the hearts of those who yield to Him.
I struggle to understand the differences and attractions in our marriage. I am certain that we were put together with purpose. The circumstances surrounding our meeting and bonding were clearly orchestrated. Thank God I journaled it all at the time, re-reading it now fuses the notion that we are 'meant to be together'. But, 24 years after our eyes met, there are many days when it seems we don't even know each other. He does his job, and I do mine, day after day after day. And then, on one of many regular date nights, I have a moment of clarity.
Moving our family to the country was a huge, terrific event, likened for me, to the flood described in Genesis. (read The Long Awaited 'Newsie Update') Every part of my daily life had to be recalculated. So many details were/are out of my control. Please don't laugh, it really pulled the rug out from under my feet. I don't know exactly why it's such a big deal, but I do know that it's impacted how I act as a wife and mother. It's much harder for me to be on my game, in this new environment.
K. and I both noticed the tension, so we determined to make date night a regular part of our week. At our busy, thrifty house, it looks like this: I prepare supper and finish up the daily housework, Ken comes home from work (sometimes with take-out for two), we say goodnight to the kids and remind them to do their jobs before they play, and then we escape. PE and J will keep the peace and put the four little girls to bed later. We lock the bedroom door, eat our meal and watch a movie. Later, we'll emerge, sending the bigger kids to bed and making sure the little girls are sleeping and snug. (I know, it's a ridiculous luxury to have live in babysitters!! I remember reading magazine articles where families used this system for sanity when we had 6 under age 10 and another on the way. We did our time and have arrived, and for this I am relieved and grateful.)
Last night, after our movie, we just snuggled on the bed and talked, for a long time, about all sorts of things, business relating to the kids, bills, church, life and death, and almost by accident, about us. Oh, we talk about our relationship pretty regularly, I make sure of that! But, this time it seemed like we were actually on the same page for a moment.
As we talked, a picture formed. My mind is like a rubber ball, winging from one problem, event, situation or celebration to another. (A rubber ball? hadn't thought about it like that before, but I'm sure my mother would agree with the analogy.) His mind is like a complex steel chair, tightly secured to the floor, fully functioning and processing intricate matters, while remaining steady regardless of the season. I suddenly had a picture of a white square room with a rubber ball, a Super Ball, bouncing about the walls, floor and ceiling while the steel chair sat squarely in the center. This is our life. Sometimes I try to slow down my thought process as I'm winging past the chair, my speech is slowed and unusually deep (like a scene from Epic), "Hey, why are you just sitting there? Do you care about anything? What if the" and then I smack into the other wall and my words are cut off.
I shared my picture through joyful tears of new found comprehension, he laughed and admitted that the chair experiences discouragement and turmoil, but time always washes them away without the chair doing anything different. The Super Ball is a little jealous and marvels at the chair's quiet, solid wisdom.
Later, he began to compliment me on my role as a homeschool mother, I closed my eyes and I heard the same man that recorded cassette tapes and mailed them to me in Mexico when we were just dating. I heard his heart for me and it was a soothing balm. He does recognize what I do. It is important. My place in our family is valuable. I didn't even know how this would fill me.
I thank God for moments like this!! He is perfect and I'm excited to see Heaven's gates open wide to reveal the ultimate healing balm for all the empty places in the hearts of those who yield to Him.